Neurotic to the Bone

David Archuleta hates olives. And I'm NOT okay with that.

It's been awhile since this was updated. I'm not really into LiveJournal these days, but the idea of logging in and updating about my life is somewhat appealing to me, so here it goes again.

I wish there was finally good news about the whole job search thing, but that's been a bust thus far. I'm hoping something comes along soon, but if not, I'll probably put in my two weeks by the end of this month. Definitely no later than mid-December, because there is no way I can physically or mentally deal with another tax season. I'd rather go unemployed temporarily. Other than that, things are pretty good. I've been doing a lot of walking lately, and heavily incorporating music into my life to help take some of the edge off. It's been decently helpful. Unfortunately, the only true solution is a change in job environment. I hope that can change soon.

( Okay. The rest is a survey, because I feel like doing one and I don't have a Myspace to put it in a bulletin. )

Can anybody explain to me how it's already the end of June? Seriously? I'm not complaining because June was a little bit hectic (a whole lot of celebrating, congratulating, greetings and goodbyes). I've still got a busy week coming, and I need to make sure I get everything done:

> Get out one resume after another no later than Thursday
> Call up my professor and ask him if I still have a job
> Look up grad school programs in the New York area (currently Iona is leading the pack)
> Call several people back
> Pack for the shore
> Attempt to clean some more of my room

I'm confident that all of this will get done, except for maybe calling people back. I really haven't been feeling open for conversation recently because frankly, there's nothing that I want to say aside from hanging a sign around my neck that says, "SAME SHIT, DIFFERENT DAY. FAMILY AND KEVIN GOOD. WORK AND CAREER PATH NOT OPEN FOR DISCUSSION. K THX." I've been relishing my alone time, whether it's exercising outdoors, relaxing on the beach/by the pool, reading, writing or reflecting. The reflecting has been the most popular, occurring at every moment I'm not being pulled away to do something I don't feel like doing.

This should be a good summer, and fall should be even better. Hopefully by October or November most things will be in place.

Side note: I hate the new Coldplay album and long for another "Parachutes" or "Rush of Blood" effort. GOD, I want to strangle Chris Martin.

Fall 2007 definitely sucked the big one, and this was the second shittiest week of the semester. I really hope everything goes well next week. I just have two finals and a presentation, and the finals are open book. I've lost all hope for a 4.0 so this is just about not completely screwing up.

I'll write more when I actually have good news...

The new Backstreet Boys CD is pretty much awesome, I'm not gonna lie. I like it a lot. I need to burn a copy for my mom because she still likes them. She felt so bad for me the other day because so much shit hit the fan at work, she picked up Ratatouille on DVD for me, hahaha. She said she was going to stick it in my stocking on Christmas anyway. My mom is great. :)

I have a lot of things I'd like to say, but I don't know where to begin. Overall I'm happy and life is good, but something I can't quite pinpoint is still nagging away. I guess I'm just overwhelmed right now.

Wow.

The last seven days have kicked my ass, picked me up, dusted me off, and then kicked my ass again.

I should go into isolation for awhile.

I found an old schedule I made earlier in college. It was supposed to be my Fall 2005 semester at Fordham (this was before I had decided to transfer). Done with classes every day by 11:15 or 12:45. And I would have only needed to work a few days a week to get in all my hours. Comparing that to this year's schedule of cramming everything into two days a week, I think I was much smarter at planning things as a freshman.

*facepalm* Oh well!

I'm so happy! I love natural highs, they're the best. Especially when they occur for no reason other than just being alive. :)

I went to the doctor a few days ago, and he told me, in a nutshell, that my kneecap is messed up and I need to stabilize it before I try and get into heavy-duty exercise like running. I'm kind of discouraged by that and would like to try and get a start on my training anyway. I'm probably going to be more prone to injury than the average person all my life just because of the way my knee is built. I really need to start going to the gym again and riding on the stationary bike. Last time I went for 7 miles, after a 45-minute aerobics class, and I felt like I still could have kept going for awhile.

Last night was possibly the best concert I have ever been to. And yes, that even includes U2. Lifehouse was absolutely fantastic, as I knew they would be because their new album is incredible. The Goo Goo Dolls had tons of energy, and they were amazing. Most definitely the best of the Jones Beach concerts I've been to, if not the best concert out of anywhere I have been. Kevin is the best for surprising me with tickets when I got home from vacation last month! :)

There's still tons of summer left - Cooperstown, lunch cruise in the city, and camping!

Things have a funny way of working out. Even though I don't fully understand the situation, I'm just going to accept it for what it is and leave it at that. At least work should be much more tolerable now. That's all I'm going to say about that for now. New subject...

Aside from still wanting to sleep all the time, I feel a lot better. I've really settled into summer mode, which has helped bring my stress level down to almost non-existence. Unfortunately, I've stopped going to the gym on a daily basis, but I do try and go to Mike's class every week. He kicks my ass and 15 minutes into it I'm dying for water and rest, but I love every second of it. It's gotten so much easier now that I have a knee brace. At night, I recently started doing something I used to do every night before college and maybe even high school began. I get into bed and read until I can't keep my eyes open anymore. This is so relaxing and I'm so glad I got back into reading this summer. My brother's girlfriend loaned me Toni Morrison's "Beloved" the other day, which I plan on starting tonight.

In conclusion, this summer has been amazing, but I am also looking forward to going back to St. Johns in August. One of my best friends is starting there this year and we have similar schedules so that should be a lot of fun!

I noticed that today (well, yesterday), it seemed like everybody I knew (with the exception of maybe two people) forgot how to be mature.

Can everybody get over their superiority complex and grow the fuck up???

I watched my first entire hour of American Idol this week. The things I'll do to see Bono do his thing. Even though he didn't come on until 9:55, it was worth the wait. I really forgot how much I love him. I have to catch the next tour at least once, I don't care how much money it costs me.

Classes are over after today. I have 3 finals over the next week and a half and that's it. This is my last spring as an undergrad, 85% done. That's crazy. But then, I'm looking forward to it. I need to go back to Fordham for grad school and finish what I started there. I know I can do it this time around, and I miss it. St. John's has been great to me for the last two years, but... I'm so done. It's time to move on.

I'm hungry...

Strep throat and fifth disease. Wow. This is the third time in my life I've gotten a double whammy, but the good thing is that I only need meds for strep. Since there's nothing I can do for fifth since it's a virus and stays in my system for a few weeks, all I can do is let it run its course. At least I'm not stiff anymore, and for the most part I have my energy back.

The semester officially ends in 53 days, and I'm struggling to stay on top of everything. I've been waiting until the last possible minute to do everything, so I'm constantly stressed. I plan to do a lot of reading this weekend for my Asia class so I can finish that damn book soon and not have that hanging over my head late into April. I have 273 pages left, and it's going slow. This is by far my busiest class, while philosophy somehow is managing to be the least of my worries. I really like online courses.

Well, back to work. Which really means sneaking time in to do philosophy...

Yesterday was my first day back at the Red Storm, with my first class at 7:35am. Getting up at 6 sucked the big one and I really didn't feel ready to be back. But sometime after I caught up with Tommy, Anthony, Karen and Dani and was sitting in my broadcast writing class listening to my hilarious professor, I was back into the swing of things, and I realized that no matter how much I don't want to study again, I'm in love with the school. Tech should be a lot of fun if I can just motivate myself enough to actually go to set building and work crew for 3 Poe performances.

I already have a ton of work to do. This weekend I'll be reading textbooks until I tear my hair out from boredom, and I'm not sure about this online philosophy course. He's breaking everybody up into teams of two and each person has to write summaries. I hope my partner remembers to sign in every week, haha. It seems like a lot for an online course, but maybe it won't be so bad once I get into it. There's just basically a lot of reading for every class that will be hard to keep up with. But I'll do it somehow.

I have a craving for Chinese food.

Wow, 2007 is already here. I can just feel that this is going to be a great year, even though the last couple of "odd" years haven't been so hot. I'm not dreading anything anymore. I kind of miss St. John's and am looking forward to going back, but I'm not rushing my vacation either. In 88 days I'll be celebrating my newfound freedom in the city, and I can't wait for that. And of course, there's the official beginning of spring weather that makes me feel like a brand new person. But I'm just going to take everything one day at a time. 2006 was a great year. The very beginnings of it had a few scares and the winter blues, but by April I found the light and it's all been uphill ever since, for the most part. I got through the holidays without a single scar and very few bruises. I passed the emotional test. I'm ready to take on whatever's coming. It's all okay.

Things are finally finally lookin' up...

Everything is calming down. 3 A's and an A- so far (still waiting on accouting... eeep!), my hiatus from a joy-filled life has come to an end, and KJOY Christmas carols immediately fill my car when I turn on the engine. I bought a Christmas CD the other day that came with a jukebox keychain that plays snippets of carols. The shopping is done, all I need to do is wrap. And I'm excited this year. These next couple of weeks are crucial for me, as my mood throughout will really determine certain decisions I will be making in the spring regarding my emotional health. Winter isn't even officially here and already I'm eagerly awaiting the arrival of SPRING!

Wow, writing in here doesn't feel nearly as good as it used to. I guess I mostly wrote in here when I was feeling depressed and needing a release (which was essentially almost every day). I don't write as a release anymore; I write because I itch to do so. I plan on working on my screenplay a lot more over break (9 months and I have 4 handwritten pages) and reading like it's my job. Because I feel entitled to be a bookworm on the rare occasion, and what better time for that than during the coldest month of the year when all anybody wants to do is curl up with a blanket and a hot beverage (also a cat on my lap for me)? Of course I have plans to see everybody over the month that I'm off, but I plan on relaxing a lot at home as well. Ahh, I'm so excited! :D

I'm sitting in Marillac right now. Three soldiers just marched in and are singing Christmas carols a capella.

I adore Christmas this year. :)

( I love music )

The ones I left blank are ones I'm not even sure I've heard or not. Oh well... that was fun while it lasted.

I am so over today. Not only was it nearly impossible to get out of bed this morning, work is a lot busier than I expected. I was hoping for a little down time to read Fahrenheit 451, but instead I'm typing up labels, doing data entry, putting away files, making redwelds and sitting at the switchboard paging people like mad. Since I'm in no mood for pleasurable activity anymore, I may as well read up on the use of sound and music in film because I don't know what the hell Howard Silver is planning on pulling off as a final.

This weekend is typing up a study guide and three papers, only one of which is due next week and also the one I have yet to put any thought to, and also prepare like crazy for my first and last performance as a fake E! news anchor. Then it's finals week and honestly, the only one I'm concerned with is my very last one - managerial accounting. As long as I can pull off a C, even a B is in the stars, it's fine. I just can't believe how fast this is all going. I'm looking back and wondering how this whole college thing seemed so scary just a couple of years ago, and in a few weeks I'll be a senior. Yes some classes can be stressful and I don't care what any ignorant person says, St. John's is not an "easy" school. But I have never felt so much like I really belong in a place and can do well without having to completely kill myself. I love my major and it feels good to know that I picked the right field. No regrets here.

Okay, time to read about movies. An entire book on understanding movies. See how easy it is to love my major?

I've been pretty good at rejecting nostalgic thoughts for awhile. That is, until fairly recently. Now all I can think about are the various words of wisdom Mr. Hawkins imparted on both my English class as a whole and me personally. And in a way it's scary to know that he was right every single time. I knew it back then, and I know it now.

Time is so funny sometimes, and history really does repeat itself for those who don't learn from it. Or maybe I need to stop having such an unusually sharp memory. *shrug* Must be a tragic flaw.

I register at 7 tonight and I still only have 4 classes picked out. If nothing closes between now and 7, I'm taking financial management, writing for broadcast journalism, international communication and an online philosophy course. For my last class, I don't know if I should go with TV performance or public relations. The pros and cons balance for each. I could do both, but I don't want to go too crazy. I kind of hope performance closes just to make my life easier; it only has 8 spots left. Ugghhhh, I thought this got easier.

I realized that this year, moreso than any other year, I've been filling my calendar with countdowns. 20 more days of classes, 65 days to 2007 (a.k.a. the holiday season finally being over), 155 days until I'm 21 and from there on, I can finally settle down and appreciate life just going right on by because it'll be spring and spring is my peak. I just get so down around this time of the year because it gets cold and dark, and it lasts from November through January. But I need to not worry so much about it. This year I am going to try to remain optimistic. Life's not so bad anymore. In fact, it's only getting better with time. I just need to keep on believing that.